Updated: Apr 25, 2021
I spoke recently to someone I care deeply for and wanted an update on her budding love affair. Well, although they absolutely adore each other, she told me that she wasn't sure it was going to work out. She felt like she was losing herself in the relationship, just like she did in her last one. Somehow she had magically found and fallen in love with someone that was almost a carbon copy of her last long term relationship. How could this have happened? Indeed, how is it that when we leave unhealthy relationships that we somehow recreate them wherever we go, no matter who we fall in love with - they turn out to be similar to the one we left?
Here's my analogy, life is like a math problem. So we are sitting in class, math class, and our teacher (the person we are in relationship with) comes to us with a problem to solve. We don't like the problem so much so we change schools (relationships). And after the initial getting to know you phase at our new school, an amazing thing happens, the exact same math problem is the one that our new teacher presents us with.
So why is this? Well the math problem is our lesson in life, something we need to solve within ourselves in order to move up to the next grade, the next level in our relating with others. And our math teachers are perfect beings of Spirit that volunteer to come into our lives to teach us this important lesson, no matter how unpleasant they might have to be in order to get the point across.
So when you think the other person in your life is being difficult because of some character flaw, that might be the case. But if that character flaw follows you around from relationship to relationship, then maybe it is something within yourself that can be changed, improved, learned. For example, if you find yourself in controlling dominating relationships, ask what is it in myself that teaches others that it is okay to control and dominate me? What things are there in my life that I'm not doing or getting that I have voluntarily denied myself so that I can give control to this teacher?
Maybe this relationship is an opportunity to change the way I teach people how to treat me? Maybe I won't give permission to anyone to dominate me. Maybe I will just go out and get that puppy after all, even if it isn't logical, rational or perfect timing. I'm the one that wants it and only I can prevent me from getting it. Well at least that's true after I graduate.