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I’m Doing It Wrong! I thought it might be interesting to explore the less obvious sides of being mindful. For: if you already may be meditating through everyday activities like taking a walk. Or: if meditation is a Q&A with God, what happens when that conversation doesn’t go the way you expected? And finally: unmasking the personal meditation fear many faces. Here are words from meditation advocate Jon Kabat-Zinn, creator of the now widely used mindfulness-based stress reduction program, from one of his best-known books: “Meditation Is Not What You Think.” Kabat-Zin writes: “When I am guiding a meditation with a group of people, I often find myself encouraging them to throw out the thought ‘I am meditating.’ Just be awake. No trying, no schedule. No idea even about what it should look or feel like. It indeed is a radical act of love to sit down and be quiet for a time. Sitting down in this way is a way to take a stand in your life as it is right now. However, it is.” Does this sound familiar to you? Do you find yourself worrying about what’s uncontrollable in life? You’ve heard that meditation might help and that it’s good for relieving stress. You feel in your soul that it will be good for YOU! So you decide to commit. You schedule a time to meditate regularly. You pick out a meditation app or a recording, or a book. The scheduled moment comes, and you go to a particular place – a class, maybe out in your garden, or into a specific corner you have set up in your home. You position yourself just right on the floor, or a chair, or the grass. You begin the breathing. You understand that this breathing is so important, that being in this moment so important, and guess what? It’s not working. Why is it not working? Oh dang, why can’t I concentrate? Why am I thinking about what to buy my brother for his birthday, or why does my back feel weird? Where is the insight? Am I sitting the wrong way, wearing the wrong pants? I KNEW I should have bought better meditation clothes; do I need a chime or incense. Why am I so BAD at this? Does this sound familiar to you? When you start a regular meditative practice of any sort, do you get stuck at I am doing this all wrong? Stuck at: I am a failed meditator and not worthy of self-care or personal growth, and I don’t have the spiritual right stuff. You are not alone. People often give up on meditation because they believe they are doing it wrong. I found a surprising number of psychologists, meditation experts, and scientists talking about this. Michael Taft, a meditation teacher, book author, and creator of the “Deconstruct Yourself” podcast, says he believes one of the biggest challenges beginning meditators face is the “I’m bad at this” hurdle. “I’m not sure of the reason for this,” Taft says. He suspects it might be a quirk of our culture. But regardless, he hears it a lot in his classes. Ed and Deb Shapiro, authors of the meditation book “Be The Change,” listed “I’m bad at this” among the top seven excuses people use to give up on meditation. “What IS it about something as simple as sitting still and watching our breath that evokes panic, fear, and even hostility?” the couple writes. Taft and the Shapiros agree that it is impossible to fail at meditation. There is no right or wrong technique, they say. “Even if you just sit for 20 minutes thinking non-stop meaningless thoughts, that’s fine,” the Shapiros say. Which is something, by the way, you wouldn’t know about playing Fort Night or writing out a grocery list, neither of which terrifies us. Taft has found the most common meditating mistake as a teacher: practitioners spend so much energy criticizing themselves, and they make a mess out of it. Or they set impossible expectations, try too hard and undo meditation’s benefits creating a self-defeating stress tornado. Does this sound familiar to you? It sure does to me. Most of my clients are meditation dropouts, and I secretly have been somewhat ashamed, especially when I know so many people who DO meditate and love it. But I never could figure out exactly why I was struggling – until writing this piece revealed the reason. I am convinced that I was doing it wrong. And I realized that is a larger stumbling block for me and maybe for some of you as well. We start many new practices well-intentioned, but we don’t move forward. We expect quick results, a rush of reward, and when it doesn’t happen, we think it’s because we are bad at whatever we are attempting when we are just new to it. Maybe we should try being good to ourselves. Be realistic about our expectations. Honor our willingness to try. Even if something doesn’t feel good, sometimes the very fact that you are doing it means you are doing it right, Michael Taft, the mediation teacher, tells his students. Sometimes, things are uncomfortable. Sometimes, they require new thinking. That’s fine. The important thing is to keep going. This article was written by Diane Lade and is an excerpt from Sheryl's upcoming book, "Turning Adversity into Purpose."

When I was a teenager in high school I decided I wanted to be a songwriter when I grew up. It didn't hurt that nearly all of my "boyfriends" during that phase of my life were musicians, singers, guitar players or drummers. So I kept a notebook with all of my budding song ideas. And one notebook turned into two, then three and then six or seven by the time high school was said and done. The problem was that all of my "songs", I use the term loosely as they were more like badly rhyming poems without music, were so depressing that anyone trying to put them to music would probably end up committing suicide. Why in the world anyone would want to put that depressing dribble to music is beyond me now, but at the time I thought I was on to something. It is true of many songs and songwriters that they write their best songs when the going gets tough, the songwriters start writing. But I couldn't write a "don't worry, be happy" song to save my life. The problem was, when life was good who wanted to stop living long enough to commit it to a song - it was more fun to be in the moment. But when life sucked, writing a song about it was like therapy, it somehow helped you be in that moment and extract something worthwhile from it, with the word "worthwhile" being in the ears of the beholder. I remember that I loved the songwriters more than the singers or the musicians. I loved Carol King more than James Taylor for You've Got a Friend, Leonard Cohen more than KD Lang for Hallelujah - heck I loved everything Leonard Cohen wrote and he couldn't sing for his life. Same with Bob Dylan, it was the words not the sound quality that always touched me. And I fell in love with these songwriters, those willing to bear their souls to the world and have it put to music for everyone to hear and know. So you might have guessed, I didn't grow up to be a songwriter but I thought it might be fun to dig out one of those old songs and dust it off, do what I always wanted to do, share it with the world. So here goes: Nothing More Than You Silently and softly I steal across your mind. I do not wish To devour time But only to touch it. At this moment I think There is nothing More to life Than you. There are other things That keep screaming In my mind. But I don't need to listen Our whispered thoughts Are enough. At this moment I think There is nothing More to life Than you. Don't die in front of My reality. I'm tired of reaching out To touch And seeing things disappear. At this moment I think There is nothing More to life Than you. Keep me In your thoughts At least. Each year, less But keep me somewhere. At this moment I think There is nothing More to life Than you. Now if there's anyone out there that feels compelled to put these words to music, just contact my agent and I'm sure we can arrange something. That is as soon as I get an agent :-) Hallelujah. This post is dedicated to Cheryl P, the one that spells her name wrong. The same one that shot the photo below.

The illusion that something is good or bad is usually only a matter of perspective. There is a great parable that illustrates this point. It is about a man whose son captures a beautiful, wild horse. His family and friends say to him, how wonderful, what a great skill your son has, how lucky he is and the father only responds, we will see. When the son is thrown from the horse and breaks his leg, his family and friends all say how terrible it is and what a curse the horse is and the father responds, we will see. So when the military comes into town to gather up all of the able-bodied boys to march off to war, his friends and family say how wonderful it is that your son's leg was broken and that he was spared military service and his father responds...you guessed it, we will see. So the moral of the story is that no matter how good or bad something may appear at the time, it is only perspective that allows us to see a broader meaning or reason for that thing to occur in our life. The thing itself is neither bad or good, only our perception changes bad to good or good to bad. Said another way, we would all be much happier and healthier if we could remember this at times when things appear to be going badly, or even in times when they appear to be going well so we don't get stuck in our mistaken perception. Although I don't want to give up my joyful times, I certainly could do with some perspective in my less than joyful or sorrowful times. I experienced this lesson when I was quite young faced with a daunting decision at the age of 15. I found myself pregnant, in a relationship with a heroin addict and living in government subsidized housing. My mother insisted that I go to a convent to have my baby and then give it up for adoption. I knew this would be the end of my education and that I would soon follow in her footsteps and never make it to college even though it was always my dream. I ran away and was picked up by the police after a few days of living on the streets. I spent several hours speaking with the Catholic Priest who was on call at police headquarters until my mother arrived to pick me up. The Father convinced my mother that she should honor my request to terminate the pregnancy and after she recovered from being told by a man of the cloth to allow an abortion, she agreed. So off I went to New York (this was just before Roe versus Wade legalized it nationwide) alone, afraid and feeling like my life was over in so many ways. I managed to recover and found new meaning in my life once I was relocated to my grandparents' care. Only a short year later, I was instrumental in starting a community crisis hot line and high school peer counseling center where I personally helped hundreds of girls just like myself through the tough choices of teenage pregnancy. I was able to share the terrible truth of a decision to have an abortion and I know that I had a tremendous impact on those that sought my advice. I also know that I was a role model for girls who thought that suicide was their only choice as their life looked to be too terrible to bear. I assured them that it was only a matter of perspective and that eventually they too would see how this event could positively impact their life or the lives of those they touched. What a wonderful gift this experience was in that it shaped me to be able to return the gift to those in need. And this event continued to impact my life as I entered college. My training and experience as a peer counselor prepared me for my application to become a resident assistant in the college dorm at Michigan State University. I was uniquely qualified for this position and securing it was a tremendous help as I paid my own way through college. Being a resident assistant covered the costs of room and board and was yet another sign that what happened to me wasn't a curse after all. These events help me to remember in the midst of something that appears to be terrible, it only seems so because I don't yet have the perspective that will help me see it differently. I try to imagine that I am standing in front of a tree so close that I can't even see that it is a tree yet. And then I imagine slowly backing away from the tree, allowing distance and light to enter my field of vision, allowing me to finally see the situation clearly. This helps me have the patience to gain the perspective for whatever seems terrible to take on its true meaning in my life. Even if it might take months or years to get there, I trust that it will come. And this trust makes it easier to bear in the present moment and helps me embrace those terrible moments. Photo by Eddie Kopp on Unsplash

Photo by Oliver Roos on Unsplash Tragedy has a way of getting your attention and shaking you to your core. As an as individual, you may be facing extended isolation, the loss of a job, family illness or the death of a loved one. These jolts to the system can stop you in your tracks, make you question your values and priorities and challenge the choices you have made and continue to make daily. If that’s the case, don’t be alarmed. You’re not drowning. And you’re not alone. You’re having a natural reaction. The bigger question is: do you want to take the time to go deeper to explore how to get past this fear and anxiety brought on by COVID-19? Because if you do, the reward could be your chance to make significant changes in your life so you can live how you were meant to live, both personally and professionally. In other words, it’s time to learn how to sing your song. Don’t be Afraid to Look for Your Song To learn how to sing your song, where do you start? I recommend taking three key steps. First, take a look at the book, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It’s one of those classic books that nearly everyone reads at some point in their life. I seem to remember reading it 10+years ago. A few months ago, it somehow appeared at the top of my Audible library list when I was searching for something else. Books only come to the top of your list if you open or download them or have some recent interaction. I had not knowingly clicked on the book, yet there it was right at the top of my reading list. This was the equivalent of a book jumping off the bookshelf and landing at your feet. So, I followed the sign and re-read the book. The book tells a charming fictitious story of Santiago and the search for his “personal legend.” You join him as he faces his fears, loses everything, overcomes obstacles, falls in love and still follows the signs and omens that deliver him back home to where his “treasure” has always been waiting for him. Through this we learn that the journey is much more than the destination. There are so many beautiful lessons and people that he meets along the way. His willingness to follow his “personal legend” inspires those he meets to do the same. It doesn’t hurt that he is successful, and he gets the girl in the end. But along the way, the story inspires us to follow the signs in our own lives toward our own “personal legend.” The second step to learning how to sing your song is to really listen to the small quiet voice within you because your song can be found only in one place, within. Ask yourself, “What is it that brings me joy? What ignites my passion?” There are many paths to the source of your song, including meditation, prayer, selfless service, nature, inspirational readings, music, dance and immersing yourself in the love of family and friends. And then plunge into those experiences. Watch for the signs and signals, keeping your mind and heart open. What do they tell you about your song? The third step is to identify where you are going in the distance, something I call the castle, and then define the first step you plan to take in the direction of this new destination. In my practice, I use something I call creative manifesting to hold the vision of the castle firmly in mind, to unite with that vision of myself and then feel what it will be like to finally arrive back at my authentic self. What It’s Like to Sing Your Song When you start to sing your song, you feel a clarity of intention and the draw of intense attention. Beautiful music requires a singular focus. It’s impossible to sing with your mouth full, or your attention divided between different melodies. You can only listen and sing one song. Yours may require you to let go of things that are disharmonious or things that no longer serve you. Or you might change your focus to that which brings you the most joy and fulfillment. Your song may start faintly, like a warmup before the show starts. It can lead up to a prelude before the main act, appear in exactly the right place and right time in your story, and then end with the crescendo of You living and breathing your life’s purpose. That is what we all want in the end, to have satisfied our life’s purpose, with our song playing loudly in our life, and for those who we are here to serve. Can you afford not to find you song? I know the world will be a better place when you find it, and your happiness may depend on it. How I Found My Song in the Midst of COVID When I was reading “The Alchemist”, I learned that life was pushing me into my next adventure. And I moved toward it despite confronting personal difficulties along with this historic pandemic that we all continue to face. At the same time, a dear friend of mine tells me she wants to hire me as her Life Coach and formalize the work we have been doing together informally and sporadically. I thought I was being a good friend and doing what I always do with my team, staff, volunteers, family, and friends; listen and hold them in the highest vision of themselves. The request for me to be a Life Coach led me to take a 30-hour intensive workshop and become a Certified Life Coach. During the class, it became clear to me that helping people find their “personal legend” resonated as an excellent descriptor of what I strive for when coaching my friends or colleagues. These words were inspired by “The Alchemist.” The name, Personal Legend Coaching, and website URL were available, and I took the plunge. I am now on a path where I am doing what comes naturally to me, helping others see the best in themselves. I will leave you with my favorite quote from the book: “The boy didn't know what a Personal Legend was. It's what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend.” Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist. Your Personal Legend is your mission on earth along with the journey back to yourself. As terrible as the world events seem right now, good will emerge, especially for those who decide to examine how they live their lives and listen to the signs the universe is sending.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash Meditation, as practiced for thousands of years, has provided support for the mental, physical and spiritual well-being of practitioners. Comprehensive studies have proven positive benefits to include alleviation of stress, anxiety and pain. Studies also show expanded creativity, improved memory, greater ability to focus and more balanced emotions. It’s also scientifically proven that that those who meditate on a regular basis, have more gray matter in the prefrontal cortex, and who doesn’t want more gray matter? However, there is a wide range of beliefs over “how to do it right” and trepidation over meditating correctly and staying focused during meditation. So. let’s first dispel the idea that there is a “right” or “wrong” way to meditate. This is like saying there is a right or wrong way to live your life. Only you know the way that is right for you, so I encourage you to experiment. Find the ways and places and methods that ring true for you. How you do it isn’t important. It’s saying to yourself and to spirit, “this is important to me.” You can even practice meditating each time you use the microwave or toaster oven, or find yourself waiting for coffee to brew, standing in line or on hold or engaged in any other potentially mindless activity. Focusing the Mind I like to think of meditation as nothing more than “focus” training. We know from research that a wandering mind lacks focus. Left to its own devices, the mind will wander around, obsessing on things that are unimportant, and in some cases self-destructive thoughts. In meditation, we are telling the mind that there is something greater than ourselves, and we direct the mind to let go of petty grievances, to focus on things that really matter in life. Your mind will thank you for shutting down the endless babble that neither satisfies nor contributes to your happiness or true purpose. Second, the benefits of meditation are cumulative. Anytime you can capture time to meditate on something meaningful is like making a deposit into your spiritual bank account. The peace and focus you develop will add up like compound interest, and one day you will realize that this focused time is like oxygen for your soul, providing insight and energy for your real purpose to reveal itself and to be fulfilled. Each person is a unique being, and your meditation should reflect that uniqueness. For example, we each experience the world differently and will react differently. Some are visual and therefore may respond better to guided visualizations that paint a wonderful picture of an idyllic location. Others are auditory and respond to sounds of nature, transformative music or the sound of crystal bowls tuned to the perfect pitch. In my case, I am kinesthetic, and I experience the world and meditation through my feelings, ideally ones of peace, connection and love. My Practice Here’s how my path in meditation began. When I went took certification classes for pranayama and hatha yoga at the Integral Yoga Institute located in Yogaville, Virginia, I initially was trained in meditation, breathwork, chanting and co-creation. At the ashram, we had the luxury of time and focus to rise at sunrise, spend an hour in seated meditation and then another hour at sunset doing the same. What an indulgence to focus for a month solely on one’s body, mind and breath. I am going to share my current daily practice, not because I think you should mimic it, but to see how I personalized my practice for my situation. I hope you will be encouraged to develop your own unique practice of meditation. After years of trial and error, I finally have a system that keeps me focused. Your system should be as personal as the clothes you wear, or the way you walk or talk. Try different practices on for size, and then develop one that works for you. Part One The first part of my meditation normally takes 8-10 minutes. The biggest distractor for me is my emotions, and how they make me feel, I currently start by reciting the poem “The Guest House” by Rumi (see below). I’ve said it so many times, that it is now committed to memory. I focus on feeling and applying the words of the poem to calm my emotions and negative feelings inside of me. I am passionate about things that I feel are important, so emotions get most of my attention, which is not always good for my attention and focus. The Guest House by Rumi ​ This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. ​ A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. ​ Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. They may be clearing you out for some new delight. ​ The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. ​ Be grateful for whatever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. This poem by Rumi helps to quiet and tame my emotions so that I can focus my energy on what matters most. I then do an “affirmative visualization.” During this part of my meditation, I visualize the future that I want to I create and imagine that it is already so. I experience what the outcome looks and feels like, and then give thanks for that outcome, because I know in my mind and soul it has already come to pass. Doing this sets the stage for me to accomplish something great in my life and sets the focus for my intention. Part Two During the remaining 10-12 minutes, I focus on three words: existence, consciousness and bliss. These words are translated from an ancient Sanskrit mantra from Deepak Chopra in his 21-day abundance meditation challenge. I say these words repeatedly. If I get distracted by sounds or other thoughts, I gently go back to the three words and begin again. This is what’s known as a mantra. I try to feel each word as I repeat it. Most mantras are auditory. In my case, I am also using the words to evoke a feeling of focus. I strive to feel each word to the fullest: · My existence as experienced by my body and where it touches the earth and things of the earth · Consciousness in my connection to something greater than just myself and my small view of the world · Bliss or the place I strive for as heaven on earth in my experience of life Most of the time I use a noise canceling soundtrack with nature sounds, flowing water, chirping birds or wind chimes. Having the white noise allows me to stay focused inwardly and stops me from being distracted by every creak in the house. Maybe once or twice a year, I will spice up my practice by following one of Deepak Chopra’s 21-day challenges, however, this is more the exception than the rule. Again, there simply is no right or wrong way to meditate, but you can see how I have adapted my meditation practice specifically to me, my quirks, my inclinations, and my personal preferences. You should do the same. To help find your groove, go meditation shopping and have fun with it. If you find this beneficial, take the next step and explore meditation teachers or apps on the list below: • Dan Harris – 10% Happier • Sharon Salzberg – Loving Kindness • Deepak Chopra – 30-day Meditation Challenges • Jon Kabat-Zin – Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction • Insight Timer App – www.insighttimer.com • Calm App - www.calm.com Let’s Get Started I invite you this week to practice Microwave Meditations. During these precious moments when you’re waiting for the microwave or on hold for another activity, do your best to shut down conversations your mind may be having, and use the time to mindfully make a momentary connection with something greater than your earthbound self. I like to make a mental connection by visualizing a peaceful white light streaming into me from above. You can sit or stand quietly with this connection until the timer dings, the alert sounds or the hold music stops. Then, write a few sentences at the end of each day to capture how this made you feel or document anything that is revealed to you because of this focus training. Meditation is one of the greatest secrets of all time, and yet not enough people try it,

This is one thing I know for sure; you cannot be unhappy if you feel gratitude in your heart. Gratitude is like a magic elixir that soothes any sadness or pain you might be feeling because it puts life’s strains into perspective. When we focus and obsess on something negative, it tends to take over our consciousness and becomes larger than life and larger than anything going on around it. Even when you have a truly catastrophic issue in your life, focusing on gratitude can shift your focus and ease your pain. I ask anyone on my team who comes to me with an urgent or terrible problem at work or in their life, “Compared to world hunger, how does this compare?” When you think about 25,000 people starving to death daily, the challenges we face are truly developed-world problems. This frame of reference will provide the peace of mind to better face and solve your problem. Anyone who feels a life isn’t worth living or too terrible to face should volunteer for a cause that helps people who are battling a potentially life-threatening disease or are struggling to meet their basic life needs. A selfless act moves your focus away from you. No matter what someone is facing, there is always someone who may have greater needs. For parents out there, if you have a teenager suffering from hormone poisoning (the term I use to describe the rollercoaster ride know as puberty) and is subject to peer pressure, a quick reminder of what you have to be grateful for will improve the picture. How to Adopt an Attitude of Gratitude The trick here is to catch yourself before you slip into a “pity party.” Yes, terrible things do happen to nice people, but in my experience, they happen to help us develop empathy and compassion and to build the muscles needed to succeed in life. Always be ready to stop the “pity party” with an attitude of gratitude. Your life is what you focus on, and if you focus on gratitude and make it your mantra, then more happiness and a greater realization of all that you already have washes over you. If you focus on what is ailing you and what makes you sad, you bring more of it to your life like a magnet. The Gratitude Journal One way to increase your focus on gratitude is by starting a Gratitude Journal. A Gratitude Journal can be as simple as a pad of paper or as elaborate as a jewel encrusted leather-bound diary. Before you retire for the night, make a list of three to five things in your life or from the day that you are thankful for. These items do not have to be major accomplishments, and you can repeat the same thoughts over and over. If nothing immediately comes to mind, you can record items such as clean drinking water and food to eat. In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, "I cried because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no feet." In addition to writing in a Gratitude Journal, also take the time to tell your life partner, roommate or even your dog or cat something about them that you are grateful for. Do this each day. This gratitude technique works miracles with your team at work, at church or at play because we often do not share real gratitude. Instead, we tend to share constructive feedback, goals and challenges. Delivering daily heartfelt gifts of gratitude can feel better than a promotion or a raise and can have longer lasting impact on the recipients and your connection with them. Adopt both habits for at least 30 days. Then evaluate and record the impact on your attitude and your relationships. Remember, the goal is to add more happiness and meaning to your life and you can best do this by spreading it around, from family members, friends and colleagues to the check-out person at the grocery store. Be generous with your gifts and watch them come back to you in more ways than you can imagine. Words of Gratitude ​After your 30-day trial with the Gratitude Journal, try taking gratitude to the next level. This level is called Words of Gratitude, and it entails four crucial steps. Make a list of at least 3-5 people who have had a positive impact on your life. They can be someone you know and love, someone you admire from a distance, someone who may have transitioned, or someone who has no idea who you are. The goal of this exercise is for you to recall and record those feelings of gratitude, and if possible, share them with this person. If they have transitioned, they will still get the message, and you will still experience the lasting impact of sharing your gratitude. Your list of people can include those frontline workers who make your life better by just doing their jobs. People like the Amazon delivery person or the U.S. mail carrier, a nurse or the receptionist at the dentist. With your list in hand, pick one lucky recipient. Open a Notepad, Word document or your Gratitude Journal and start recording the things you are grateful for about this person. Describe the impact the individual had on your life, how they changed you for the better or how they were there for you when you needed them most. Absorb the gratitude you have for their impact in your life. Be as specific as possible. Try to write at least 300-500 words. The next step is to schedule a time to deliver your words of gratitude, preferably in person. If the person does not live nearby, a Zoom or Facetime call works. If the person is someone you cannot schedule a video call with, then record your words of gratitude using your phone. Be sure to say the individual’s name out loud, especially if the person has crossed over. By simply saying the name, you will affirm that the person left a mark on you and the world and that their name lives on. The reason I recommend you make it “live” on video or in person is that much of what we say is non-verbal, and the person you are grateful for deserves to hear 100% of the message. If the person has transitioned or is someone you do not know well enough to meet with, then think about posting your Words of Gratitude with the bigger world or with someone they left behind. This exercise is for YOU so you can create the opportunity to share heartfelt gratitude, to relive it in your life and to make it real and relevant to your current situation. If delivering it live and in person or recording a video is a non-starter for you, then send a written letter instead. Finally, after you have delivered your words to the person, then write down the same sentiment and send it in an email or letter. This final step provides the recipient with a gift of warmth and kindness that they can use when they need a boost of happiness and meaning in their own life. Then rinse and repeat until you get through your list of people you are grateful for, just in time to create another list of 3-5. I can guarantee that your heart will be a happy place and at least 3-5 other people will be able to feel the same thing. What are you waiting for, afraid of too much happiness?

Tragedy has a way of getting your attention and shaking you to your core. COVID-19 is certainly that wake-up call for the entire world. As an individual, you may be facing extended isolation, the loss of a job, family illness or the death of a loved one. These jolts to the system can stop you in your tracks, make you question your values and priorities and challenge the choices you have made and continue to make daily. If that’s the case, don’t be alarmed. You’re not drowning. And you’re not alone. You’re having a natural reaction. The bigger question is: do you want to take the time to go deeper to explore how to get past this fear and anxiety brought on by COVID-19? Because if you do, the reward could be your chance to make significant changes in your life so you can live how you were meant to live, both personally and professionally. In other words, it’s time to learn how to sing your song. Don’t Be Afraid to Look for Your Song To learn how to sing your song, where do you start? I recommend taking three key steps. First, take a look at the book, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It’s one of those classic books that nearly everyone reads at some point in their life. I seem to remember reading it 10+years ago. A few months ago, it somehow appeared at the top of my Audible library list when I was searching for something else. Books only come to the top of your list if you open or download them or have some recent interaction. I had not knowingly clicked on the book, yet there it was right at the top of my reading list. This was the equivalent of a book jumping off the bookshelf and landing at your feet. So, I followed the sign and re-read the book. The book tells a charming fictitious story of Santiago and the search for his “personal legend.” You join him as he faces his fears, loses everything, overcomes obstacles, falls in love and still follows the signs and omens that deliver him back home to where his “treasure” has always been waiting for him. Through this we learn that the journey is much more than the destination. There are so many beautiful lessons and people that he meets along the way. His willingness to follow his “personal legend” inspires those he meets to do the same. It doesn’t hurt that he is successful, and he gets the girl in the end. But along the way, the story inspires us to follow the signs in our own lives toward our own “personal legend.” The second step to learning how to sing your song is to really listen to the small quiet voice within you because your song can be found only in one place, within. Ask yourself, “What is it that brings me joy? What ignites my passion?” There are many paths to the source of your song, including meditation, prayer, selfless service, nature, inspirational readings, music, dance and immersing yourself in the love of family and friends. And then plunge into those experiences. Watch for the signs and signals, keeping your mind and heart open. What do they tell you about your song? The third step is to identify where you are going in the distance, something I call the castle, and then define the first step you plan to take in the direction of this new destination. In my practice, I use something I call creative manifesting to hold the vision of the castle firmly in mind, to unite with that vision of myself, and then feel what it will be like to finally arrive back at my authentic self. What It’s Like to Sing Your Song When you start to sing your song, you feel a clarity of intention and the draw of intense attention. Beautiful music requires a singular focus. It’s impossible to sing with your mouth full, or your attention divided between different melodies. You can only listen and sing one song. Yours may require you to let go of things that are disharmonious or things that no longer serve you. Or you might change your focus to that which brings you the most joy and fulfillment. Your song may start faintly, like a warmup before the show starts. It can lead up to a prelude before the main act, appear in exactly the right place and right time in your story, and then end with the crescendo of You living and breathing your life’s purpose. That is what we all want in the end, to have satisfied our life’s purpose, with our song playing loudly in our life, and for those who we are here to serve. Can you afford not to find your song? I know the world will be a better place when you find it, and your happiness may depend on it. How I Found My Song in the Midst of COVID When I was reading “The Alchemist”, I learned that life was pushing me into my next adventure. And I moved toward it despite confronting personal difficulties along with this historic pandemic that we all continue to face. At the same time, a dear friend of mine tells me she wants to hire me as her Life Coach and formalize the work we have been doing together informally and sporadically. I thought I was being a good friend and doing what I always do with my team, staff, volunteers, family, and friends; listen and hold them in the highest vision of themselves. The request for me to be a Life Coach led me to take a 30-hour intensive workshop and become a Certified Life Coach. During the class, it became clear to me that helping people find their “personal legend” resonated as an excellent descriptor of what I strive for when coaching my friends or colleagues. These words were inspired by “The Alchemist.” The name, Personal Legend Coaching, and website URL were available, and I took the plunge. I am now on a path where I am doing what comes naturally to me, helping others see the best in themselves. I will leave you with my favorite quote from the book: “The boy didn’t know what a Personal Legend was. It’s what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend.” –Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist. Your Personal Legend is your mission on earth along with the journey back to yourself. As terrible as the world events seem right now, goodwill emerge, especially for those who decide to examine how they live their lives and listen to the signs the universe is sending.

The couch or the castle — which one are you reaching for? We think the goal in life is to make a comfortable nest, and at the center is our comfy couch where we can while away the hours with our many screens filled with entertainment and more comfort. Most of us are creatures of habit, and not all of them are good habits. We create a life that is comfortable, familiar, and maybe worn around the edges. It’s a lot like a comfy couch that we sink into, feeling safe from whatever might be “out there.” And this is the place where we can lose ourselves into mindless activities such as binge watching, social media black hole surfing and games that help us relax or escape. But what is it that we are escaping from? And then, along comes a disruptor that jars our happy existence. This disruptor may toss us off the couch and demand more of us. It could be something like a pandemic, a divorce, a job loss, a major health crisis, or the loss of a loved one. In the case of COVID-19, some of us are finding our couch is on fire with our emotions about the pandemic bursting into flames right before our very eyes, and we cannot seem to move quickly enough to escape the flames. Times like these can shake us to our core and make us question things we took for granted. It’s during these times when the castle comes into view. The “castle” is a metaphor for something bigger, our true calling or real purpose in life that perhaps we may have been ignoring as we lounged on our couch. We may try to ignore it, avoid it, or pretend that it’s not there, but the castle is calling, and the signs keep pointing in that direction, indicating that we know there is more to our life. There are times when we see the castle most clearly. It may be far in the distance, indistinct, lacking the clarity of structure or details about design or purpose, but we see it. We feel the pull, even if just for that instant. To finally find that something “more,” you will need to get off the couch. My First Castle Calling I had my first castle calling around midlife when I was living in Belgium, working for Dow Corning. I traveled across Europe and Russia for my work but also for self-enrichment. That was a wonderfully comfortable couch. But I was tossed off it by the demands of a country that wanted me to leave so that a local could fill my job. This typically happens after about 4-5 years into an expatriate assignment. It was not personal or unexpected. Somehow, I could not face returning to Midland, Michigan, so I struck out on a one-year adventure of a lifetime. I lived in an Ashram in Yogaville Virginia, studied with a Shaman and lived in Hawaii, and traveled to work in the gardens at Findhorn in Scotland. These were three spiritual experiences that called to me, and so I answered the call. This was a powerful journey that put me back on a path to embrace spirituality. It also surprisingly took me back to my father, from whom I had become estranged emotionally since I was a young child. I had a lifetime of resentment toward my dad because he left me before my first birthday when he and my mother divorced. After embarking on my journey, I discovered that it was a trip back to my authentic self and to healing my relationship with my father. When I began, I had no idea where it would lead me, but lead me it did. During this time, I was asked to retell the story of my life 22 days in a row. Each time I had to keep the facts of the story constant, but my assignment was to tell it from a different perspective. One time my life was a tragedy, the next a drama. Another time, my life story was retold as a comedy and so on. After retelling my “story” 22 times, I realized that it was just a story and that I could decide what the outcome was by changing my perspective – my perception creates the narrative and is not necessarily reality. All my life, the story I told myself, and anyone who would listen, was that my dad left me and my anger about that blocked me from giving and receiving his love. And during this storytelling, I was finally able to see that he always had love for me and had been sending it my way by spending every other weekend and special occasions with me without fail. It was my own wall of resentment that blocked me from seeing and feeling that love. In that moment of acknowledgement, I was flooded with a lifetime of love that literally changed my past. I’ve heard about changing your mind to change your future, but this was the first time that I experienced the ability to change my mind and change my past. I will be forever grateful that I was able to reconnect with him before he passed. The change of heart about my dad became a building block to my current journey and castle. I believe everyone has a dream, either realized or not. It is majestic and aspirational and something that inspires us. For me, my castle is helping others find their true direction and sharing stories that make a difference in people’s lives. It’s the Same for Celebrities, Real or Fictionalized For Bill Gates, his journey is making the world a better place with the billions of dollars he earned from creating and selling computer software programs. If he had stayed at Microsoft, that would have been a comfy couch for him for the rest of his life. But he and his wife, Melinda, knew that the universe was asking more from them, and that their castle called them from every corner of the world. And they have done the soul searching to find exactly the right causes to champion for the greatest impact. The analogy extends to fictional characters such as Bilbo, from the Hobbit, tucked away in his comfy hobbit hole, enjoying his second breakfasts and his life surrounded by friends. That was upended when a wizard came and told him about the castle that awaited him. His life would never be the same. Taking this adventure made his life fuller, longer and created connections deeper than any before he left. Just like Bilbo or any great fictional or real hero, your fears and doubts will surface when you realize the castle may be calling and you take your first step off the couch. Walk toward those fears, embrace them, and put them to work as you move toward the castle, which is where you will find your authentic happiness. Taking the First Step When you’re ready to strike out, let go of the “couch” and begin your journey toward your castle, find a mentor or coach who supports and encourages you to follow your true calling. My coaching mentor is responsible for moving me closer and more quickly than any other resource I have tapped. A coach will never tell you what to do; he or she will encourage you to find the answers within. You’ll be glad you did, and you, along with the world around you, will be a better place because of it. Photo credit: Unsplash.com

If you think that comic book superheroes are the only ones that have superpowers, think again. When you realize that you are the right person, at the right place, at the right time, created with gifts and powers that are unique in all the world, you know you are nothing short of a superhero. There is no other being in creation, alive today, that matches you and your specific talents. And no matter how hard you try to avoid it or deny it, you have a unique gift that the world is waiting for. How you are currently living may not seem like you are in superhero territory. And you may not feel like you are using superpowers, but they exist – maybe untapped, maybe repressed, maybe denied by your inability to embrace, and unleash them, but superpowers they are. That is the problem with superpowers — you need to discover them, exercise them, build them up and find the right places to use them so they can flourish. Most successful superheroes have a coach or a mentor that gets them into the “gym” and puts them on a regimen to build up their self-esteem and superpower muscles. I recommend you ask for and get help, otherwise discovering your superpowers will take much longer than it needs to, and you may become frustrated and fall back into bad habits or let inertia take over. Start with Desire How do you get started? First, with desire. You must want it more than anything else. The pain of staying the same must be greater than the pain of facing your fears, uncertainty, and doubt that will be required to unleash your own superpowers. You know that starting a workout routine can be painful, but no pain, no gain. The same is true of our superpower workout. You will need to challenge some of your limiting beliefs and rewire or change some behaviors to ones that support you instead of tearing you down. But the effort will be rewarded mightily. Then, Smash the Kryptonite If you really are a superhero, why do you feel you are living in a cave filled with Kryptonite? Examples of Kryptonite are: feelings weighed down by fear, uncertainty, and doubt; judgments about the past; and missed expectations. The good news is that the Kryptonite is self-inflicted and within our control to remove. Making the decision to stop focusing on these energy killers and switching to establishing superhero goals will minimize the impact of negative activities. Just like Superman, you need to focus. When he leaped tall buildings in a single bound, he certainly was focused and had no fears. So, determine what you want out of your life and set goals. That will crush some of the Kryptonite. But to get rid of it all, you will also need to fight bad habits of complaining, blaming, and lamenting how little energy or creativity you have. Our mind is wonderful because it is a success-seeking machine that has phenomenal auto-correct capabilities. Instead of seeing past failures as negatives, view them as steps taken to get closer to your goal. Failures provide valuable feedback, and you will autocorrect going forward. We can use each experience, good or bad, to inform our goal-seeking machine, and help stay on track. The sooner we take our focus off what we don’t want in our life and replace with a clear and targeted goal that is worthwhile, the sooner we can become who we were meant to be. One Secret for Finding Your Superpowers I want to let you in on a secret that will be a game-changer if you apply it. While you are waiting to decide on whether a coach is for you, find a substitute teacher – a 4-legged friend. Think about a significant pet that shared your life. Those of us lucky enough to have had a close relationship with animals know that they have a unique superpower, something remarkably simple – unconditional love. And that is something everyone has available and at their command. Deciding to focus on the love in what you do gets you out of your own way and closer to your life goal faster than a speeding bullet. Photo by Elias Castillo on Unsplash

The thing about being curious, analyzing and learning things is that it can create a situation where you become increasingly frustrated due to the lack of response to this information or your lack of ability to take action on what you now know. It is what happens when you conduct customer or employee satisfaction surveys. We gain access to valuable information that can be acted upon to make the company and workplace better for employees and customers alike. And then nothing happens. Well other than the presentations and promises to make changes, at the end of the day and in the midst of an economic crisis, nothing really happens. Okay, lip service might be considered more than nothing by some folks. I mean the road to hell is paved with good intentions. But it happens to me too. I learn something and know instinctively what needs to be done but then there are always too many things to do and not enough resources to do them all, even in my department of one in my personal life. I look in the attic and know that I need to purge to keep the flow of energy and things moving in the universe but do I do that or pay my bills? Florida Plunder and Loot (FPL) thinks I can wait to act on my information while I pay my light bill. And so the next time I'm in the attic struggling to find 2 inches of space for a 3 foot by 5 foot box, I get increasingly frustrated at my inability to act on the information I gained the last time I visited this remote region of my home. So what's the answer? Do something small each day. If you have a choice to do nothing or the choice to do something small instead, do something small. So if you don't have time to completely empty the attic, open each box, purge and cart things off to Goodwill then at least take down 1 box and do that one small thing. At least the next time you are up there, you might have room for the new treasure that is finding it's way to the national storage facility (remember Raiders of the Lost Arc?) Same thing with the surveys, with anything. Pick one small thing to do and act on that. Once completed you can select another small thing and so on. You will feel better and your frustration levels will subside at least a little and every little bit helps. Photo Credit: Cheryl Piekielek

During my mid-life crisis years it seems I learned a lot about myself and was able to finally put some perspective on things that had eluded me in my youth. Right around this time of my life I decide to take a pre-retirement (retiring when you are young enough to enjoy your time off) and for a year I traveled and visited places that had significant draw and opportunity for spiritual growth. The places I went to included Hawaii (for about 5 months) studying with a powerful Shaman - Chuck Spezano, Findhorn Foundation Spiritual Center in Scotland for about a month, Integral Yoga Ashram in Yogaville, Virginia (just South of Charlottesville) for about 3 months and Palm Beach Florida for a month to heal my relationship with my Dad. What a blessing to have had that year, to work for a company that offered unpaid sabbaticals and to have the savings to afford me this luxury. In the Hawaii portion of my journey I worked with about 50 other people who committed to 66 days, 22 at a time to do some very intensive introspection. One of the most powerful takeaways was an exercise we did with an assigned partner over a period of 22 days. Our task was to tell our life story every day but each day we had to change the tone of the story. So one day our assignment was tell our life story as if we were a hero in our life, the next as a victim, the next day as a fairytale, the next as a tragedy, again as a comedy, and then a drama - on and on for 22 days, 22 different stories all based on the same factual basis. We could not change any of the facts of our life, only our interpretation of those facts from these different perspectives. What did I learn? That my life story is just that, a story. Every single rendition was true. I didn't change any of the facts but what I did change was the spin on those facts. I changed my interpretation of my life events, which is what we do each and every day. We decide each moment how we are going to perceive every event in our life and it is just that, a perception, a judgment, a spin that we put on the facts or reality of our life. I was so sick of "my story" at the end of 22 days, 22 tellings, 22 renditions that I didn't care if I ever heard or told that story again. That was all it was, a story. Something I made up about the events that happened around me in my life. None of it was true and none of it was false, the facts just were and my story was something in my mind that reflected those facts but did not take their place or become real just because they lived in my mind. Oh but how real that story had become to me and my emotional body, how much I had invested in it, how much unhappiness it caused me, and for what purpose? It was about as real as the fairy tales I read when I was a child. A fantasy born out of some experience or idea that has little to do with reality. So my lesson was a reinforcement of one of my favorite historical figures most famous quotes, "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be" by Abraham Lincoln. So what about your story, is it a drama, comedy, tragedy or a romantic novel? Remember, you are the one that gets to write it and tell it any way you want it to be. Photo Credit: Sheryl Cattell

So one thing that always amazes me when I read about enlightened beings or in the very few times in my life that I have had the opportunity to experience one in person, Swami Satchidananda, The Dalai Lama and Sivaya Subrahmanya Swami, I always marvel at how they got from where I am in my consciousness to theirs and I want to what I can do to get there myself. One thing they all share in common is a wonderment that is very similar to a child. They see everything in the world as if it were new and beautiful, including even when they are doing something mundane. They also seem to be at peace and in bliss at the same time, experiencing something I recognize but just don't seem to get enough of. You know those moments in your life when you have an experience of God. It can be a moment of watching the wonder in a child's eyes as they discover the world, that moment when you are overwhelmed with love for someone and you are so full of joy that you could burst with bliss. Or maybe it is a majestic sunrise that takes your breath away due to the beauty it bathes the world in. These are the moments that enlightened beings live in. So someone told me that the way to get from here to there is to see these moments like a doorway on our dark room that opens a just a crack to let in brilliant rays of light from the outside and then closes again. My goal should be to have more of those moments each month, each week, each day, each hour so that the door opens more frequently. In addition I should focus on keeping the door open longer and longer each time it happens. To stay in the moment, to relish it, to not let the mundane interfere or shut the door. Slowly but surely I can get to a place where the door opens more frequently and stays open longer eventually filling the time of life experiences creating heaven on earth. This makes it seem more attainable to me, increasing the number and duration of those small glimpses of brilliance a little at a time instead of going from darkness to total enlightenment in an instance. But then again, there is no difference between a small miracle and a large one in God's eyes. Photo by Dima Pechurin on Unsplash